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A Cautionary Tale

  • #21
  • Dec 15, 2009 12:29pm Dec 15, 2009 12:29pm
What an amazing story, I feel so bad for you Interceptor. I've been trading several months now, and I still get frustrated and while away hours staring at the charts each day, but I too found that my successful trades occurred when I put my orders in and just left the comp to do something else.

I'd work on getting your family back! Maybe prove to them that you have "cracked" it and you can put money on the table, but show them that it's not all time-consuming. Explaining to them that it's like any other profession, usually requiring 3-6 years + of HARD STUDY. You've done the hard study, now it's time to start the job!

But above else, value them and get them back. A whole family is one of the most precious and beautiful things in the world.

God Bless!
|/ Dream as if you'll live forever... Live as if you'll die today. \|
  • #22
  • Dec 15, 2009 12:42pm Dec 15, 2009 12:42pm
I hope your family understands you and they come back.

I feel if you are confident now to earn through trading, you should build up some bank balance and then show it to your family that you are earning from markets.
  • #23
  • Dec 15, 2009 12:59pm Dec 15, 2009 12:59pm
Well I think that unless you truly are making a lot of cash lately.... you might want to divert your focus away from the money. And if you're still on a bit of a learning curve, forget about the money. (The family is obviously not impressed)

If you were thinking of following the most recent suggestions, I would say, to let the family know that there is nothing more important than them, and that money is worthless in comparison.

Else, you may be heading right back down that same brown bottle addiction called trading.

If you were going to try and strike a balance, then I would say, to devote only little bits of time to trading. Working the market open times for a two hour limit or trading the daily charts.

Good Luck to you my friend, I hope you're able to find a solution.

But not knowing the full inside story, this could all be such moot points.
  • #24
  • Dec 15, 2009 1:37pm Dec 15, 2009 1:37pm
Quoting Interceptor
Thanks again for your responses.
There's a sad irony to this situation.
Everything I have strove to achieve has been for the benefit of my family. Now that they are not here, it kind of makes it all seem pointless.
Thanks again.
Wow you are in denial of your selfish ambishions! If you said quoted above was completley tue you would not have even came close to the neglect you admittingly caused. It is true that if you were successful that your family would benefit but don't lie to yourself. You did this for you. You want to be successful and nothing is wrong with that but you are mistaken about your priorities. Honestly you basically failed your family. I obviously don't understand the whole story but that is the message you conveyed to me. Sorry but that's what I see and I hope things get better for you and your family. My advice would be to just stop trading and try to get your family back.....with the assumption you might never trade again but at least you would have a chance to right a wrong. Trading and accomplishment is obviously not everything...not even close...I learned that...not everyone does. Good luck whatever you do.
  • #25
  • Dec 15, 2009 6:37pm Dec 15, 2009 6:37pm
Why reinvent the wheel? It's amazing to see how many people are spending boatloads of time in front of their charts while there are several existing and good trading systems that only requires a few minutes to a couple hours a day.

Spending too much time babysitting charts and trades might just be the BIGGEST reason traders are losing. In fact, I know of a guy who did very well while he worked his dayjob and had little or no time to babysit his trades. Once he quit his job, he started losing money because he started overmanaging his system. He later found that he made a lot more with much more time off and away from the charts.

So, why reinvent the wheel? If you want to be a professional trader, look to professional mentors and traders and stick to a proven system... the rest is your own physology which is huge in itself.
  • #26
  • Dec 15, 2009 7:33pm Dec 15, 2009 7:33pm
To those who wish to avoid such a scenario in their own lives at some point, I can only offer one simple piece of advice. If you feel you must get married for whatever reason, and you're a trader...then MARRY a trader.
  • #27
  • Dec 15, 2009 9:52pm Dec 15, 2009 9:52pm
Quoting wlp
I think i'm starting to lose friends. Thanks for the precaution.
regardless if u have a job or business, u lose time for more important things.
u lose time for your family, hobbies, etc. the only difference is how much time &/or quality time is lost.


Quoting GoodBoy
...
I am in similar boat except that I am putting off marriage/starting family for trading success because I feel trading will be a huge part of my career/life and If i am not going to succeed in it than marriage at this time might as well be invitation to a bigger conflict....
u should have communicated well with your fiancee your current situation & your aspirations. good communication between partners/love ones can sometimes easily prevent a future problem.


Quoting hanover
I can certainly relate to a lot of what you're saying....
We don't have children, but my wife has likewise become very frustrated with my unfulfilled promises of a secondary income from trading. She has gradually come to believe that I'm a kind of delusional dreamer who is chasing the tantalizingly impossible...
People don't understand how arduous, and intensively time-consuming, the journey can be.... (a client) previously traded futures for a number for years, which he says contributed to the demise of his second marriage.
[b]It's very...
I agree. personality differences. as if people are talking with different languages.
the solution to this is understanding and good & consistent communication.


Quoting capitalist88
To those who wish to avoid such a scenario in their own lives at some point, I can only offer one simple piece of advice. If you feel you must get married for whatever reason, and you're a trader...then MARRY a trader.
good advice, but very very difficult to achieve. especially if u (always) want someone good at something (good architect, engineer, cook, lawyer, etc), in this case, a good trader (or a better trader than u).
  • #28
  • Edited 11:00pm Dec 15, 2009 9:54pm | Edited 11:00pm
Quoting jeffizcool
Wow you are in denial of your selfish ambishions! If you said quoted above was completley tue you would not have even came close to the neglect you admittingly caused....
u read his post in the negative light.
if u read Post#1 closely, he clearly said he 'did it for the family'. meaning he did trading with good intentions (for his family).



Quoting enterfx
Why reinvent the wheel? It's amazing to see how many people are spending boatloads of time in front of their charts
......
it doesnt happen that way for most people (looking at charts with smaller amounts of time; usually people start to trade/trade with more screen time)

Quote
...while there are several existing and good trading systems that only requires a few minutes to a couple hours a day..
can u spot a good & existing system the first time u see it? at that instant? without trying it out for awhile & checking if it works for u? without checking other systems before it? specially if u are just starting out to trade??
if u can answer 'yes' to ALL these, i humbly & sincerely congratulate u. & i hope u are that good in other aspects of your life.

but for most/all people, in general, things happen in steps;
there is a process to most/all things.
  • #29
  • Dec 15, 2009 10:17pm Dec 15, 2009 10:17pm
Quoting supremeChaos
u read his post in the negative light.
if u read Post#1 closely, he clearly said he 'did it for the family'. meaning he did trading with good intentions (for his family).

ugh... I read it close enough. No one ever admits they are insane or that they are guilty or even that they did not do something for completly unselfish reasons. Their actions tell the truth. you can even fool yourself but the truth is usually in what you do. its as simple as that. It does not mean he does not care but Like he stated his priorities were and probably still are out of place. if you read what he said close enough you would get that. you don't get it. sorry.
  • #30
  • Dec 15, 2009 10:25pm Dec 15, 2009 10:25pm
Tons of great information in this thread. Should be stickied.

Having a spouse or significant other that understands why you are doing what you are doing really helps through the tough times.
  • #31
  • Dec 15, 2009 10:26pm Dec 15, 2009 10:26pm
Quoting Interceptor
I took my first step along the hard road of trading some 3 years ago now......
And it came.
For the most part slowly, and, very occasionally in 'eureka' moments.
I realized one day that I could trade at breakeven or better consistently...
Excepting one thing.
When I turned around, after 3 years of complete immersion in what I was doing, I discovered I no longer had a family.
4 weeks ago they left me...
Tired of a relationship with an obsessive who rarely ventured out of his study. Weary of the constant promises of a brighter tomorrow. Worried sick...
Quoting Interceptor
.. There's a sad irony to this situation.
Everything I have strove to achieve has been for the benefit of my family. Now that they are not here, it kind of makes it all seem pointless.
Thanks again.
personally, it's great & sad to hear your story.
it's great to hear another trader doing well & still continue to strive for the best.
it's sad that your family misunderstood u &/or failed to see 'the good light' in what u are doing (which is u are doing it for them).

i can relate to your story. i'll probably narrate my story next time, but for now, i can say my story is worse.

what i can share with u as an advice is try all u can to win back your family. once they are back, give & make time for them DAILY. u can do small things DAILY with them. FAMILY TIME. one of the excellent perks of trading is u can do it at home. i got an almost 2y.o. hyperactive boy and i play & babysit him every day, as much as i can. u can do that too, while talking to your wife at the same time (u can look after the 2 boys together).

also, communicate with your wife. be sure to explain extensively about trading (the time & tasks it requires, NOT the FA or TA ). explain to her that u do it all for them, for a good life in the future. tell her u chose trading so u can be with them daily, unlike in an employment setup wherein u are out of the house & away from them daily. tell her u are planting a rice or mango seed: it takes time to harvest. tell her u are putting more time into trading NOW so u can attain financial & time freedom in the future SOONER so u can enjoy life earlier.
u may have failed to communicate THESE issues with here before, either completely or partially.
if after discussing this with her, she still fails to understand. then u only have two choices: try again to convince her, win them back
OR
make her decide (either put up with it [your trading interest/decision] OR let her go, take your two boys with u). in this case, she may not be meant for u & she does not fully support your life goals & decisions. u both should support & understand each other & she may have failed in this aspect of your relationship. she'll never know what she'll miss
if ever, be/think like WHTenn. his signature says: "My Girlfriend was feeling neglected and gave me an option.... her or the forex. Boy do I miss her"

this advice is a bit based on my experience, so hope it helps
Good luck!
  • #32
  • Dec 15, 2009 10:41pm Dec 15, 2009 10:41pm
Quoting jeffizcool
ugh... I read it close enough. No one ever admits they are insane or that they are guilty or even that they did not do something for completly unselfish reasons. Their actions tell the truth. you can even fool yourself but the truth is usually in what you do. its as simple as that....
well, i read it & i viewed it in good faith. i may look biased, but i understand Interceptor's situation.

like i said above,
"regardless if u have a job or business, u lose time for more important things.
u lose time for your family, hobbies, etc. the only difference is how much time &/or quality time is lost."
trading is no different.

in many ways, Life is not simple. actions dont always tell the truth. sometimes people act in a way contrary to what they want, intend, need, etc. sometimes people act out (or say, or write) the direct opposite of what their real intentions are.

there will always be disparity, personality differences.
all we can do is give support & understanding, specially to our loved ones.
if all means have been exhausted, & disparities still exist, then the last resort is to accept the truth (instead of denying it), then part ways.

look at us. we have differing views/perspectives. that's perfectly ok with me. it's part of human nature.
  • #33
  • Dec 15, 2009 10:53pm Dec 15, 2009 10:53pm
Always sad, especially when children are involved. I don't want to speculate and in no way am I saying that this is the case here, but spouses seldom walk out on each other, especially when children are involved, unless there's someone else in the picture.

I wish you the best and I hope you and your wife can work things out. Keep your chin up buddy.
  • #34
  • Dec 15, 2009 10:58pm Dec 15, 2009 10:58pm
Quoting GulfCoastPip
Always sad, especially when children are involved. I don't want to speculate..
Good point. hopefully not.

probably just a simple case of misunderstanding, lack of communication &/or personality disparity between them.
  • #35
  • Dec 15, 2009 11:07pm Dec 15, 2009 11:07pm
Quoting supremeChaos
well, i read it & i viewed it in good faith. i may look biased, but i understand Interceptor's situation.
oh you understand him and no one else does right? like i said some people will understand and get it and some people will never accept it. I think you are in denial too.

Quoting supremeChaos

in many ways, Life is not simple. actions dont always tell the truth. sometimes people act in a way contrary to what they want, intend, need, etc. sometimes people act out (or say, or write) the direct opposite of what their real intentions are.
I agree life is not simple but there is truth to what i say. those actions you decribed above...thats called lying or being a dishonest person.
look... read what he says at the end he admitted to it. at least he got there. but he still thinks his main priority was for his family which is completly un true. they would only get a side benefit to his own selfish goals. hey im not saying that is completely wrong but you should always try to put that in perspective.

Just like work. hey for me "i work to live and don't live to work." thats perspective for me and changes things. i didn't always have that view. one is better...i learned that(i was lucky i met someone that made me realise it).

Quoting supremeChaos

look at us. we have differing views/perspectives. that's perfectly ok with me. it's part of human nature.
you are right... it is part of human nature......but you are also wrong in the worst way. good luck to you. :-)
  • #36
  • Dec 15, 2009 11:09pm Dec 15, 2009 11:09pm
It was great narrated story..I learned a lot from this story. IMHO it was useless when we already reach the peak and nobody left with us which we want to share the success..

I totally agree with you..
  • #37
  • Dec 16, 2009 12:02am Dec 16, 2009 12:02am
Quoting jeffizcool
oh....
you are right... it is part of human nature......but you are also wrong in the worst way. good luck to you. :-)
i usually pounce on erroneous/negative posts like yours..
but, im in a bit of a good mood today. probably the Holidays....
besides, this is Interceptor's thread & i want others to read this thread without going through a jungle of bad &/or impertinent posts.
so,this is my last reply post to yours.

despite all u've said (the "other side of the coin"), i still see/look at Interceptor's story in good faith, one which is a good story (he has good intentions) but had a negative side effect (time with family; families get shattered/broken).
this is VERY common, specially in countries like ours where people themselves & the government decide to export people (to work abroad) to 'stay afloat' (the government & the families themselves). in fact, i am a product of this circumstance (my mom worked abroad when i was young; we have a broken family)

From the onset, i have believed his story is possibly about misunderstanding, lack of communication &/or personality disparity between them.
  • #38
  • Dec 16, 2009 12:14am Dec 16, 2009 12:14am
  •  sloof
  • | Joined Apr 2009 | Status: Birejji (ビレッジ) ►FOREX◄ | 141 Posts
This is why I'm grateful for discovering trading at such an early age. The downdraw though is that I don't want to grow up regretting how I spent my youth.
  • #39
  • Dec 16, 2009 12:35am Dec 16, 2009 12:35am
Quoting sloof
This is why I'm grateful for discovering trading at such an early age. The downdraw though is that I don't want to grow up regretting how I spent my youth.
wow, how young are u Sir?
if u start with the right foot in trading, then the 'drawdown' is sooner time & financial freedom for u!

there a bunch of posts/threads here where u can learn from. take advantage of your youthfulness to learn as much as u can.
very few younger people realize to set priorities & act accordingly, at a young age.

I am happy for u, & hopefully u wont veer away from your current perspective in life. if u need help, there a several people here, young & old, who can advise u in some aspects of trading & life.

Never stop learning. your Destiny is in your hands.
Time & financial freedom is achievable, but it is up to you.
Good luck!


EDIT: in 1 of your posts/threads, u say u are 18. very nice!
  • #40
  • Dec 16, 2009 1:06am Dec 16, 2009 1:06am
We understand the importance of things when we dont have them....or even more when we loose them. Its nothing particular with Interceptor. Developing negative feelings would not help in this situation.

Your family stayed with you for 3 years in tough time. I believe you have a fair chance to win their hearts back. But please aspire to have a balanced life.
The only way to get smarter is by playing a smarter opponent.
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