Cesarnc's market talk, gossips, rumours & fun

Cesarnc's Shit that you do when you're not affected by the crisis, you still don't know you're affected by the crisis or if you were so affected by the crisis that you totally lost it.

DOGA - Yoga with your dog.

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Dog: "And you think YOUR boss is a loser"

Happy Monday, everybody...

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The US stock market appears to have hit bottom and the nation's economy might see an upward shift in the latter half of the year, widely watched investment strategist Abby Joseph Cohen told CNBC

Surf the long-term bullish view TODAY. Coz tomorrow CNBC will be long-term bearish again

those amateurs.. they'll never LEARN the difference from:

A Bottom and THE Bottom...

Wall Street Salary Caps Drive Away Assholes

Experts Warn of ‘Douchebag Drain'



http://borowitzreport.com/Uploads/16...c099598c0b.jpg As the federal government moves to institute salary caps for Wall Street executives, an increasing number of assholes are seeking employment elsewhere, a study confirmed today.

According to the report commissioned by the University of Minnesota's School of Business, at a time when the economy needs experienced hands at the tiller, some of the financial world's best-trained dickwads are fleeing the ship.

And if the trend continues, the study warns, Wall Street could soon be facing a "douchebag drain" as top buttholes migrate to other countries and industries.

"There is no question that our company is losing some of its most valued assholes," says Bank of America CEO Kenneth Lewis. "I have tried to convince them to stay, but how do you reason with them? After all, they're assholes."

At Blarney O'Malley's, a popular watering hole catering to Wall Street traders, prominent assholes congregated after work last week to ponder the career options facing douchcicles today.

"When I graduated from B-school in '98, you could write your own ticket," said Dirk Bendelson, a veteran asshole from Stamford, Connecticut. "It was a glorious time to be a mofo."

Mr. Bendelson said he was considering using his Wall Street experience to pursue a career that would not be subject to regulation or salary caps: "I'm thinking of becoming a pirate."

Elsewhere, the IRS announced that April 15 is the tax-filing deadline for all Americans not in the president's Cabinet.

Source: http://borowitzreport.com/

Jim Cramer Declares Depression Over; Millions Panic

‘Run for Your Lives,' Heard on Wall Street



http://borowitzreport.com/Uploads/b4...0ede8fa8f1.jpg CNBC financial pundit Jim Cramer declared the global depression "over" on his "Mad Money" program on Thursday, causing widespread panic around the world and sparking the largest stock sell-off in history.

Just moments after Mr. Cramer delivered his upbeat prediction, stock prices went into an epic free-fall unprecedented in the annals of modern trading as millions of investors rushed for the exits.

"Cramer says the depression is over!" one Wall Street trader was heard shouting on the NYSE floor. "Run for your lives!"

Carol Foyler, an equities analyst for Morgan Stanley, said that Mr. Cramer's optimistic prediction "confirmed all of our darkest fears."

"These are very scary times on Wall Street," Ms. Foyler said. "This news from Jim Cramer may have been the last nail in the coffin."

Seemingly oblivious to the panic he had caused, Mr. Cramer appeared on his program again on Friday and predicted that North Korea would never launch a long-range missile.

"Folks, I'm telling you, there's no way that missile will be launched," he said. "You heard it here first!"

Source: http://borowitzreport.com/article.aspx?ID=7006

Monday strikes again...

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Think he'll tie his shoes next time?

Brit screws up again

Shouted a loud "What's up Sacramento", while performing in San Jose...

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Monday is officially over, after that

Think the other guy will get an office chair? Trade in the treadmill if your not using it dude.

This thread is screwing up my brain. I caught the itty bitty shoes and missed the big freakin chair.

How weird is that?

Children exposed to porn may expect sex to be enjoyable

Inserted Video

Thats what happened to me

Welcome to the club

Hmm..let's see, we're in a recession, mounting job losses, corporate profits down, tightening credit conditions BUT the headline today is:

Retail sales drop unexpectedly

BTW Nzd/Usd bukkake in progress

CNBC was long-term bullish yesterday. That's why it was unexpected. They will be long-term bearish after this one...

Merges & Aquisitions in a fucked up world...

News that Al-Qaeda and Somali pirates are on the table discussing a joint-venture of some kind...

Some days, ya just gotta hang in there and hope whatever's got ya doesn't burp.

Jolie elected world's most beautiful woman

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