Is Trading Ruining Your Relationships?

Its a tough business to begin with. Hours of chart time is needed. Vast amounts of information to wade through in forums and books. Its a huge undertaking and for many there is pressure to get it done fast. If you are anything like me, I like to leave no stone unturned in my journey even when I am consistently making money. Maybe I am just an addict .

When you make that leap from part-time to full-time trader there is the added financial pressure and the uncertainty. It can be a hell of a journey and the last thing you need is your partner or family and friends giving you a hard time over your life's decision to become a successful trader. I know of only one professional trader who decided to upsticks and divorce his wife in his pursuit of trading success - Joe Dinapoli (who now lives in Thailand...I say no more). As with any business, balance is the answer but it can be difficult at first.

Hi Porkpie,

I understand your question, and I feel like this is an issue most traders have dealt with at some point or another.

First of all, if you have a good relationship, make certain it stays that way. It will most likely out live your trading career.

Second, most loving partners are supportive to a degree, but that support can easily be abused. Don't neglect your loved ones and justify it by saying, "I'm doing this for you and our future."

Here are some practical suggestions.
1. Have set trading hours, just like you would with a part/full time job. Make your partner aware of these hours and what she can expect during them.
2. If you aren't trading yet (still in the learning and preparing phase), have a set time devoted to study and research and make your partner aware of those times and what she can expect during them.
3. Make your partner involved in your trading endeavors. If you are studying, have her give you a quiz. If you are trading live, give your partner a list of your daily/weekly/monthly goals and have her review them with you at a scheduled time to ensure that you are adhering to your plans.
4. Don't quit your day job to day trade unless you can do so and live comfortably. When you give up a guaranteed pay check, you are making a decision that effects both of you. Don't be surprised if he/she is not supportive unless you have already proven that you can meet or exceed that income (most cannot).

Most people have an unrealistic ideas about being a trader; your partner probably has a clearer picture of reality than you do (ie you see dollar signs, they see bill collectors). Remember, the burden of proof that you can do this is on you. You have to prove both that you can make money from trading, and that you can maintain your relationship while doing so.

I hope something here is helpful.

Happy trading,

Art

Hi Rosscub, Very sound advice indeed thanks for your input.

Problems arise however when your partner has unrealistic expectations. They are the one's that have the dollar signs flashing before their eyes. They think, just because you are a trader that you are rolling in the money ( a typical public stereotype), yet if the true stats show 95% of traders blowing their accounts within the first month this image is much further than the truth. The newbie trader then has a lot to live up to especially when they have come from a successful non-trading background. This stereotyping of trading is strange because there is also this great sense of risk that friends and family feel about the trading world.

Building up any business is not easy. Building it up from scratch requires even more time. In the west where family is not closely knitted together ( exception for those with Jewish bonds ) your inner family will have to face certain problems.
In Asia spouse normally help in the business. Brothers and sisters are given certain important funtions. In most business families the brother's wives ( if they are not working ) will have their own way of using time. Not as bored as in the west. If one think of a big business, try creating a big family to support each other - not necessary blood bond.
In forex, it should not be different. If you can't create this "family" try ( marrying someone or ) move to another place where people already understand the culture of accepting a life next to a fulltime businnes person.
My 2 cents from my own experience.

Porkpie,
Thanks for linking from the other thread.

this is a business for tuff souls not a sissy JOB,trading requires hell lot of energy then any other business,partners and friends shud respect this profession.

It is ruining my studies. I am student and a bachelor. For last 2.5 months since i have started trading, i am not studying seriously.

I even need to postpone my internal audit exams for this reason. My family wants me to finish studies soon and start a career.

The good thing is i am moving to daily trading and with daily time frame trade, i can start a full time career after studies.

Trading isn't ruining my relationships. But, in the past, working too much and ignoring my spouse cost me my 20+ year marriage. I allowed my work to keep me away from home too much and when I was home, I remained pre-occupied with work-related tasks and details. One day my wife realized that she no longer needed a partner. She'd been living alone for years.

This is serious stuff and a good topic. Now, my daily self employment is shared with my new partner (10 years now). We work together all day and we take a lot of weekend trips, etc. Because of the time spent together, my trading time is my own. But I include her.

This time around I'm faced with a serendipitous confluence of conditions.
A) I spend a lot of time with my partner.
B) I know not to ignore her
C) She has reasonable expectations of my trading and is aware of the risk.
D) My home is large enough that I'm able to have a room dedicated to trading
E) Due to a neurological condition, I only sleep a few hour each night so all my trading time doesn't come at the expense of family time.

Without these conditions, finding time to trade without neglecting my spouse would be difficult.

So to all you younger guys: Set your priorities and stick to them. If you're consumed with work, it's easy to miss the signs of an evaporating marriage or relationship.

One of my favorite quotes by Tom Bodett: "It takes a while longer for men to reach an acceptable level of sensitivity. Some men don't reach it 'til their third or fourth marriage".

It's an interesting topic. I went full time trading 5 years ago and the only advice I can give is make sure your partner is included in this venture right from the start.
We have always discussed trading as a business and we know from experience that businesses take time to evolve and become established. We have taken all the decisions together, the good and the bad, and we have kept our dreams rooted in reality (if that makes sense).
If you start off being open and realistic about things you will have a much better chance of not only creating a thriving business but you might even save your marriage.

I had to separate with my ex partner because of forex trading. It's a gambling addiction.

I don’t know whether you’re still learning or already trading live, but as a full-time trader I believe we don’t need to be glued to the market 24/7. The key is choosing the session that fits our rhythm and consistently delivers profit. Personally, I focus on Pre-NY and NY sessions. I know traders who thrive in London, and that’s great for them- but my job isn’t to chase every opportunity. My goal is a solid monthly return, not endless screen time.

Most importantly, trading is about balance: money matters, but so does family. A supportive partner is a blessing, and life outside the charts is just as valuable as the wins inside them.