My life is spoiled

Well it was three and half years ago. I was accepted to one of the finnest universities in America and everything looked going well. My family immigrated to America when I was 13. I was not an American citizen, my family was not rich and I didn't have any special talents, so I thought the only way I could succeed was to study hard and achive my goal. I really wanted to be an aerospace engineer. I have loved airplanes since I was a little kid. I wanted to see an air plane taking off that I designed. So I studied so hard when I was in high school. As an immigrant, my English was not as good as other American kids, so I had to study much harder. I worked and studied so hard and I finally got accepted to a school I really wanted to go. My parents were proud of me and I thought my American dream was becoming true.

But it was a month before my first semister started. I just moved from Seattle to Boston to go to university. It was a beautiful city. The city was classic. I like the Red Sox and Fenway Park. I was a little bit excited and nervous about going to college so I couldn't sleep that night. I was watching TV until late and I finally watched a FOREX commercial on TV. It was about an computer program that can produce a lot of profit. People in the commercial said that they all make $3000 a week, $300 a day, and they all looked very happy. You all know that those TV commercials are scams but I don't know. I don't know why. Maybe that was because I had no money at the time. But I was lucky that I didn't have money to buy the program that costs several thousand dollars. So I just researched about FOREX that day.


After knowing about what FOREX is , I got really surprised. It sounded so sweet. Markets open 24 hrs, high leverages, you can even make profits when the market is going down.

I really thought I could make money very easily. I really thought I could be a millionaire. So I decided to withdraw from the university and started FOREX trading with my tuition. I really thought I could make lots of money in a year and could go back to the school or go to another fine university. But it was the dumbist decision I have ever made in my life and that is when the nightmare began.


I blew up some commision fees but I got $30000 back from the school. I got so excited and wired $10000 to my broker. But the problem is that I knew nothing about FOREX. You know what would happen next. I always watched 1 min charts and sold when it went down a little bit and bought when it went up little. I used to buy 10 lots at a time and I sometimes I lost $400 in just hours. I was really amazing that the market always went against me. I blew up $10000 in just two weeks. I got so depressed and disappointed. But I never gave up. I wired $12000 again. Because I learned some lessons, I traded less amount of volum at a time used some tricks that I learned.... Well it lasted a little bit longer.... Three months.... I was only 19 and I lost $22000 in just four months.... It was just huge for me.

Well.... I had to stop it at the time. But I couldn't. My parents still believed that I was going to college. My family is not rich. My father was a teacher and my mother was a housewife before my family immigrated to the States. They opened a small convenience store in Seattle after they landed in the country. My college tuition was what my parents have saved for their entire life. They even told me that they wouldn't have enough money for the second year so they would lend some money. They just devoted everything for me.


I just couldn't say them that I dropped out of school. I think the best thing I had to do was to stop trading with really money and go to college next year. If I really wanted to do FOREX, I had to start with a demo account and study it for a long time. But I was dumb. I really wanted to be rich. I wanted to buy a car like my friends. I really wanted to buy my own house. And I thought FOREX would make my dream come true. I was so dumb.

I kept trading with my real money and I blew up the rest of the money I had in another couple of months. I had no money. I had no food. I had no money to pay my bills. But I couldn't say it to my parents. I just went outside and started looking for a job. I finally found a job and I started working at a restaurant.


A couple of months after I got a job, my parents sent me the tuition for the second year. And I wired 15000 of it to my FOREX broker and I started trading again. But it always went against me. I lost money again again and agian. I tried to find a trick or a holy grail. I tried to find it so hard. I did everythin I could to find it. But no. It didn't exist. After seven months of bad trading, I lost most of the money again.

I don't know. It always went bad. I got so depressed. I didn't want to live. I even thought about suicide. I became alcoholic. After a while, I met my old friend on the internet and I found out that he moved to Canada. So I decided to go to Canada with the rest of money I had.

But it became worse. At least I was eligible to work in the US but I couln't even work in Canada. You need a social insurance number to work in Canada. But I don't have it. I am neither a Canadian citizen nor an immigrant in Canada. So I just had to survive with the money that I brought from America. So I moved back to Boston in a month.

Another year was passed again. My parents called me that they would send me a tuition again. I felt so sorry. And I couldn't receive that money. But I couldn't say that I was not going to the university neither. So I just told them that I would transfer to a cheaper university. I lied that it would be just $5000 a year.


I thought about going back to college but it had been more than two and half years since I graduated from highschool. I forgot everything I studied in highschool. I could't study everything and take SAT again. I was just busy to survive.

And I decided to go to Canada because their universities don't require your SAT score. So I went to a university in Canada. The tuition was twice more expensive than what Canadians pay because I was an international student in Canada. Anyways I started taking a computer science program. But after taking one semister, I decided to take a year off and think about what I really have to do because it was not really what I wanted to study. I always wanted to be an aerospace engineer.

After a while, I started FOREX trading again. I started with $3000 this time. I learned some skills that I learned from online forums. I didn't lose money for a long time but I didn't make much money neither. I made $3000 to $3200 in a couple of months. But when CAD/USD was 1.10, I thought it was a nice chance to buy USD/CAD. So I bought massive amount of USD/CAD. But it dropped to 0.91. I lost a lot of money but I thought it would go down more. I wired more money and sold massive amount of CAD/USD this time. But it went up to 1.01 this time and I got a margin call and lost lots of money. You know I learned how to use a stop lose but I couldn't contol myself.

I'm completely broken now. I only have $500 in my bank account. They don't even allow me to work in Canada. I don't know how to survive.

I don't know what to do now. I have been trading FOREX for more than three years but I haven't learn much. It is hard. And I don't really want to risk my money again. It was harsh. I can study FOREX but it just makes me crazy and depressed everytime I see it because it reminds me all the money that I lost and everything that I went through. I am just busy to survive now.


And I got a call from my father two weeks ago. He told me that my mother got a cancer. It is just harsh.

I don't know. Maybe she could die. And she would never know that I did this and I can't even say it. I just feel so sorry.

I feel like I am a bad guy and I am a loser. I blew up the money that my parents have saved for a long time. I blew up my dream.

I don't know what to do now. It is just harsh. I'm so depressed. It is Christmas today and I'm just crying alone. I want to drink some whiskey but I have save money to survive.

I don't know what to say. I wrote message after message ... only to delete them again and again.

What you did with that money does not make you a bad person, it does not make you a loser. Did you make mistakes? Yes, you certainly did. Some people steal from their children to buy methamphetamine. What you did shows that you, like many others, were blinded by a dream. It is what you do with yourself right now that really matters. You know your parents, will they accept you? You know this. If they will ... return to them.

Spend today finding a new dream, create one void of wealth and possessions. Create one instead filled with love, peace and hope. Make it one to be reached twenty years from now, not next year. It is vital to not focus upon the next corner, instead what is beyond the next horizon.

Nothing I say will help. I am sorry about the problems that you got yourself into, though you can recover ... I promise that you can. The only one that can stop you from doing so is yourself. Do not let that happen.

PM me if you like.

Kevin

Wow, sorry to hear this. You should fly back home and talk to your family. Tell them the truth about your trading and accept any and all love and support that they give you.

If you had a Son or Daughter that was in your shoes and felt that the failed, what advice would you give to them? Hopefully it would be to pack up all of their possessions and to fly back home, right? This is unconditional love and your family has this for you. Your at an age that you can easily go back home and start all over. I suggest that you make that airline reservation and have a nice discussion with your family. You need to spend time with your Mother, go make that flight reservation.

Return to this posting in a week and update us as to your situation.

Make that airline reservation today

It's very sad to hear your situation. Your life is not spoiled though. You can turn things around and we all have the power to do this.

I would certainly not concern yourself with trading for now.

Try getting yourself in a more stable environment and maybe plan a route to a realistic job while you re-establish yourself. You spent some time with computers so why not follow this avenue to earn some money? it doesn't have to be forever.

my best wishes to you.

Very good advice by WHTenn and StockJay and fxprocessor. No doubt, you have a difficult conversation ahead of you, but your life will quickly become better as soon as you are truthful with those that matter most.
Start taking the steps needed to do this now.
Your life isn't spoiled--you're barely more than a teenager and have many, many years ahead of you.

Hoping for all the best
Bill

I'm really sorry to read this. Life paths are hard and weird sometimes, and sometimes one makes them that way.

I don't want to give an advice, the best choice is up to you; I only want to tell you, there's always a chance to restart, you can get your dream, focus completely in it, focus in what you really want and go for it, the current circumnstances might not be as proper as the last ones, but you can do it anyway, you can, find the wat, you really can.

I'm so sorry to read your post, i partially understand your situation, and i think WHTenn is right, the best thing u can do now is to go back to home, and talk with your family, stay with they for some time, i'm sure they really want and also need to stay with u, u know family always forgive, some people have not a family, and they are really unlucky.


And, about forex, take your time, continue your life, but let's try to trade again in future (when you will feel ready, it can be in 1 year, or 10 years, doesn't matter), never give up! As somebody said one day: winners never quit and quitters never win

I hope to you to solve your problems, and to have a nice period upfront of you (i don't say a nice life, because the entire life is never all nice )

wow man

I don't like those posts, I feel a pain in my stomach and this time it's a very hard pain

Just one advice, return to your family and stay with your mother
this what she need for now, don't think in anything else

I know what it's like, trust me. I'm up to $22,000 in student loan debt because of a story similar to your's. Once you're down in the hole you just start thinking about how much deeper is it going to get, instead of how am I getting out? It's hard to admit defeat, but I think it may just be best to come clean with your parents, move back home and go from there. It's what I had to do last semester.

Another idea would be to go join the armed forces and spend two years with the Navy or such and go to school afterwards on the GI bill. It may not be as glamorous as you'd like, but no matter what, you have a roof over your head and food on your plate and you can take the time you need to get things back to where you think they should be.

No matter how bad it seems, there's always a solution. Sometimes it just hurts having to take some time getting there instead of being able to make it all go away in the blink of an eye. I would know, I'm finally getting out of my hole $240 a month at a time.

As far as trading goes, if it just upsets you looking at it...don't! It's like being in a bad relationship. She may look glamorous, but if she just upsets you and angers you, what's the point? That's just self abusive. There are tons of pursuits out there, trading may just not be your's.

Hey man, my heart goes out to you.. This story really kinda hit me, I mean its Christmas time and end of the year, everyone is out with family and enjoying themselves and when you read something like this, you kinda begin to feel how so many people around us need help, not just financially but in terms of guidance.
There's some really good advice given out to you here in the last few messages, especially by stockjay. What I want to offer, and I don't know if you are religious or not, but to take comfort in the higher power, come face to face with your demons, accept it, and defeat it, and it starts with you confronting your parents and tell them how things really are instead of just running away.
Also, I don't know if you realised something, or if any one else noticed it but just didn't want to say it to you, but your problem with forex is very similar to a gambling addiction problem. Just because its forex trading it doesn't mean you don't have gambling tendencies as when you are at a casino betting on red or black. The scenario is similar of someone going to the roulette table, puttin in money, losing it all, and then going back to the atm to get more money to bet more, and its money the person cant afford to lose.. So you have to realise that you may have a gambling or addiction problem. Throwing in a bunch of colorful indicators to predict price doesn't preclude forex trading from being a vehicle for gambling. So please, be honest with yourself and with your family, because sometimes these kind of things cannot be fought alone especially when you are broken down emotionally, you need friends, family, and god.
Also know, there are countless people that have tread the same path as you have and had similar results because they couldnt control their impulses and gambled their money in the markets, and yes alot of people committed suicides because of the eventual outcome of their gambling impulses..
I know sometimes you don't see the light at the end of the tunnel, but you must have faith and keep walking.. A little over 4 years ago, my life was turned upside down, and even though it had nothing to do with gambling or trading, the feeling was the same, I lost alot and i saw no light at the end of the tunnel.. But honestly what put my family and I through those times was faith, and we kept chugging along, and thanks to the all mighty, my life has made a turnaround and am better than I was even 4 years ago. I dont want to reveal exactly what its about, but if you need to talk you can always PM me.. I just wanted to let you know that theres lots of people here that went through harsh times in life, and even though the circumstances may not be exactly what you are experiencing, the emotions certainly are...
Have faith my friend, and come clean, talk to your parents and let them know of your problem..

God bless..

Ron

This is truely a crude and tough reality to experience, and I can really relate. I am so sorry for all you had put yourself through. When we are born, we are born without expectations, but as we grow up we develop them. Life has tested you and will continue to do so in the future but you are still amongst the living which goes to show you possess a desire to live this life which is the only thing one really has in this world- Pulse.

Right now, you may feel weak or even inadequate as a person, but tomorrow or the day after, you will be empowered. You are destined to be a stronger and fitter person than the majority of the population. You have been
chosen to be so, it's only a matter of time until this becomes your one and only truth. Just be open to see and embrace it.

The key right now is to unload all of your burdens by being completely honest with yourself and your family. My mother suffered the evils and cancer but unfortunately did not survive. You must devote your existance right now to your mother and father, nothing else matters. It will help you appreciate life many times fold. We are temporary in this world but must make use of our time here to the max.
Forget about trading for the moment. Don't erase it completely, just put it aside because it has caused huge psychological scars for you but these scars are the ones which will empower you in the future to better yourself.

Put everything in perspective and smile all day long, you're HUMAN . When you've hit rock bottom, the only way to go now is UP because there's no lower you can go. If you feel like drinking now I promise you that it is not in your best interest as you are likely to hurt yourself or do something stupid in such a fragile emotional state. Climb out into the world, don't let go, do it slowly but DO IT!

Best wishes and more power to you.
Merry Christmas
Bob

Oh my God. That was a hard read for me. I feel the pain internally. Not only for you but also for your parents for NOT knowing. I can feel how it would be like to be in your shoes, but I am actually dissapointed at what you did if I was in your parents' shoes.

I give you my consolances, but I also believe in tough love. First thing you need to do is tell them the truth like Whthenn said. It is your obligation. Whatever reaction they may throw at you, just accept it and keep apologizing until they cool down.

Right now, my advice to you is, move back to the US. Work your ass off part time, go to community college and get a degree. It is a long journey that will take few years, but it will help you. PLEASE do not trade forex during this time. Trading is ONLY for those who can AFFORD to lose the money. If you are finding yourself looking for money, you know you're not in the position to be in the market.

Once you are working and going to school, I am sure you would save some money. You can start trading again once money is not an issue anymore. Get your act together and start getting back on your feet. You can do it, just visualize, believe, and execute.

Stay away from alcohol because it is a poison for the mind and body. At this time you have to have a clear state of mind to do things.

Why does your profile list your residence as "Vatican City State" if you moved from America to Canada and you're in Canada now?

You screwed up big time. You have two choices.

Stop screwing up and take responsibility. Go be with your family and tell them everything. Money comes and goes and in the greater scheme it means very, very little. Losing your family, both figuratively and literally is the most painful thing in the world.


Or you can just continue to screw up.

It's your choice.

Btw, the fact that you never owned up to what you were doing shows a lack of responsibility. You shouldn't have been trading until you're mature enough to take full responsibility.

hey I am sorry to hear of your situation, but there's nothing wrong, you just has gone through
look back, don't judge your past, observe them and then if you have gravity and love they will wash away while youre starting to know yourself, you the root of all the mess and all understanding, free yourself from the desire for such a solution, if so there comes Satan giving you ideas like death, ignoring your love ones, telling lies and so on, so it is the first step to understand the problem,t he moment you become completely open to the facts of your situation you can understand what they are, how they did happen in truth, go back study yourself, you'll be released and eventually flowering with love and right understanding
lol ya have already noted of your "dumbness" in trading Forex and have the very reason of that in your hand, now what's the deal? is that you?
you are one step ahead from the rest who have not yet experienced the psychological part of live trading,
mld

pujol........

the thing to worry about now is not forex but your mom's cancer...........

i recall there's one website that has alternative cancer cures........cancertutor.com i think.........also, go rense.com and search at the website for other alternative cancer cures and there are articles there that explain why the usual hospital treatment won't work as well.

as for forex, i can't be of help to you but you can take your time since you're still so young.......

Hi pujolshomerun,

Sorry for your situations. There is nothing too late in a family. As a father, I would say family member especially sons and daugthers are just invaluable, and that can't be compared to money terms. Just think about it. Do your parents want you or the money back? Be frank to him and go home and be kind to them. Go back to school again sometime in the future. There is much much time for to make money after college. No need to be rush.

regards,
pipal

Forex is no different than any other career... to be the aerospace engineer you say you wanted to be, requires a bunch of years at a university... same with forex... you must study... can you design an airplane without the university first...?? Not Likely.... the same will be true with Forex... no profits until you study first... and you did not do that... and you have paid the price... the same price that many have paid... How you continue with forex is up to you... either study and make it work, or move on... if you are going to make forex work, then I would suggest doing it on micro mini size trades... get a job to support yourself and start making ends meet the way most of us do...

I was a big lier when I was a kid... I lied about everything and it always caught up with me and got me in lots of trouble... I had an advantage that we moved almost once a year for many years in a row... so there came a day when I decided to stop lying... so once when we moved, I just stopped... and life has been much better since then... I can only tell you, being honest is much easier once you get past the hurdle of coming clean... won't be easy...

I will call your attention to another recent story that all of us may have heard about... it is the story of Marion Jones.. the track star who just came clean about her steroid use... perhaps all she ever did was wrong... she lied and lied... and I don't have too much respect for those who need to use drugs to enhance their performace... but I will tell you one thing for sure, the hardest thing she ever did was to come out and come clean... I respect that !!!!!!!! That took guts !!! And so from being on the bottom of my shit list... she has moved to the top of my hero list... take a look at the news reports and videos of her coming clean... once again..... That Took Guts !!

For now, best thing for you to do is... forget about forex and university... and gather your guts together... !!

Sorry for your troubles but just remember IT'S ONLY MONEY. It will come and go throughout your life.